I know what you'd pay to see

Today I was waiting at the light rail station for, you know, the light rail, because I can't wait for it anywhere else and there's really nothing else to wait for at a light rail station unless you've got some kind of poorly planned shady business going down, because honestly why would you use something like the light rail for that? Anyway, I was casually leaning my bottom against a big warm metal pipe in the hope that it would dry out the damp spot in my pants from when I sat on the wet bench to wait for the bus, which I had done before the bus took me here to wait for the light rail, and I was hoping that it would sort of dry it out a little somehow. It all worked in my head. And as I'm waiting there, two transportation cops came cruising along on their segways. Except they weren't really cruising, they were going pretty slow. I guess they had the segway speed dial set to mosey. And they had their fancy dark little transportation cop uniforms on, and helmets with the black visors over their eyes, and were all up on their segways and everything and one of them said hello to me as he passed.

I am proud to say that despite the desperate urge to do so, I didn't respond with a cheerful "mornin' Robocop!" I just said good morning and that's probably why I am alive today to tell you about it.

Segways are like the unicycles of the moped world. Would you feel confident knowing your law enforcement officers were rolling along on mopeds? No? Why are these guys riding less than half of a moped? This is one of those cases where less really is more, so long as you accept that the "more" in question is "more dorkiness."

In case you are nodding coolly like you totally know what I'm talking about but you don't, really, but you're too cool to say it, this is what I'm talking about. But you already knew that, of course, you hipster. I won't tell.

Now, unicycles. That's a whole different ball game. I am of the opinion that a squad of cops on unicycles would be awesome. Just picture it. If you can picture that in your head and not let out a Keanu Reeves "whoa" at the thought, then you are either a very strong willed person or you aren't picturing it hard enough.

Whoa.