Here I am, stuck in the middle with you

So when the evil firefighters caught me trespassing on their evil convention grounds after jumping through the plastic subway took me directly into their evil hq, they gave chase and I ran like mad through field and forest until I found an abandoned cabin reputedly frequented by smugglers. There I met some friendly people with feet too large for shoes who offered me asylum if I would just come with them and try out some boots they had made, but as we were about to leave a pack of gangsters drove into the front lawn and shot the cabin up, killing everybody. I crawled behind the sofa and found a really small vent that I managed to fit through and hid there while they prowled around looking for me. Finally the leader, who looked like a really hardcore Wayne Brady, had the bright idea to calculate the actual "weight densities relative to the infarcted quantum properties of transubstantiational copper" and punched numbers into a calculater to determine that the cabin was off by precisely the weight of one other person, which had me worried so I snuck out the back and ran for the hills with Jack Sparrow.

Weight densities relative to the infarcted quantum properties of transubstatiational copper. I love it when my brain tries to get smart with me and thinks it can get away with it just because I'm sleeping.