I saw the crescent

Having carefully observed a multitude of local political TV ads, I think I can safely say that the key to winning is proving you are the most Minnesotan of them all. That seems to be one of their favorite little attack points: so and so is just not in touch with Minnesota, he doesn't get Minnesota values, how can she be a Minnesota politician when she *clearly* has the soul of a New Jerseyan, ad nauseum. So, if I ever run for political office, here is my little thirty second spot:

"HI! HOW ARE YA? JEET THEM BARS I MADE'JA YET? PRETTY GOOD, HAHHH? YEAH, I WAS OOT ON THE PONTOOON THE OTHER DEE, WITH BARB AN' NANCY, J'KNOW, JUST TALKIN' ABOOT HOW WE'D BE OOT ON THIS HERE LAKE IN A COUPLA MONTHS IN OUR TRUCKS INSTEADA THE PONTOOON, HAH, AND NANCY, SHE GOT TO TALKIN' ABOUT HER TATER TOT HOT DISH WITH THE CREAM OF CHICKEN SOOOUP AN' THE CHEESE AN' ALL THAT, AND I SAYS TO HER, NANCY, IF IT ISN'T THE CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOOOUP IT ISN'T TATER TOT HOT DISH! AND CHEESE, THAT'S SOME WISCONSIN STUFF RIGHT DERE, Y'KNOW? DIS HERE'S MINNESOTA, JA, AND WE SURE GOT SOME GOOD EATIN' WITHOUT GETTIN' ALL FANCY AND BRINGIN' OTHER STATES INTO IT, DONCHA THINK? I MEAN NOT THAT THE OTHER STATES AREN'T AS GOOD OR NOTHIN', UBETCHA WE LIKE 'EM TOO, YEAH.

I'm Betsi Bjoraker and I approve this message."