Our name is our virtue
I came home from work the other day and found my crow's butt on the floor. The crow was still standing on the mantel over the fireplace, right where I'd left him, so I can only assume that Bambino intended, with near surgical precision, to remove only the butt. Sometimes I get the impression that stupid cat is actually an evil feline genius and he's just messing with me. I'm some kind of long-term social experiment to him. "Ah ha, ah ha, muah ha ha. A crow butt on the floor. What will she think of this? I must observe for science. Ah ha ha. Meow."
Of course, then I see him run smack into a wall because his whiskers are a snarled mess from sticking his dumb face in the fan all the time, and that theory gets sort of circular filed. But maybe that's just part of the experiment. Maybe he's afraid I'll figure out his little game if he's smart all the time, so he has to ham it up every once in a while to throw me off his trail. I just don't know. I suppose that's the point.
Anyway, now I have to figure out how to reattach a crow's butt. I thought at first maybe I could just hold it on with a few stitches, but what exactly is the needle supposed to catch? This crow isn't exactly a fleshy sort of fellow anymore. Besides, a needle is pretty close work, and I don't know if I want to get that personal with a dead crow's nethers. I dismissed epoxy for the same reason--I don't want to sit there holding a bird butt while the glue dries. I'm thinking, screw it. Get the drill, screw the crow butt back on to the crow, and thereby improve his story value by as much as 35%. Because then I could point at him and say, "Oh, that's my crow, I stuffed him myself back in high school after Grandpa shot him and Grandma mailed him to me. His name is Jim," and continue on to say, "one time his butt fell off so I screwed it back on. It's stickin' on there pretty good now. Yup. Pretty good."
Of course, then I see him run smack into a wall because his whiskers are a snarled mess from sticking his dumb face in the fan all the time, and that theory gets sort of circular filed. But maybe that's just part of the experiment. Maybe he's afraid I'll figure out his little game if he's smart all the time, so he has to ham it up every once in a while to throw me off his trail. I just don't know. I suppose that's the point.
Anyway, now I have to figure out how to reattach a crow's butt. I thought at first maybe I could just hold it on with a few stitches, but what exactly is the needle supposed to catch? This crow isn't exactly a fleshy sort of fellow anymore. Besides, a needle is pretty close work, and I don't know if I want to get that personal with a dead crow's nethers. I dismissed epoxy for the same reason--I don't want to sit there holding a bird butt while the glue dries. I'm thinking, screw it. Get the drill, screw the crow butt back on to the crow, and thereby improve his story value by as much as 35%. Because then I could point at him and say, "Oh, that's my crow, I stuffed him myself back in high school after Grandpa shot him and Grandma mailed him to me. His name is Jim," and continue on to say, "one time his butt fell off so I screwed it back on. It's stickin' on there pretty good now. Yup. Pretty good."
posted by Betsi at 2:45 PM
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