When we arrive, sons and daughters

We are in the process of completely and obsessively rearranging every part of the store, and somehow little sub-departments got sort of lost in the shuffle. Like sunglasses. Men's hats. Nobody seems to know where the capri pants went. And we still haven't established a toy department. Out of all of the missing things, this is the one people get most snippy about. There is nothing quite like having an irate welfare mom get into a snit about how her dozen unkempt children won't be able to systematically destroy our toys while she spends three hours shoplifting through the store.

Clearly, kids these days just don't know how entertain themselves. So I thought back to my childhood days and made a list. Cheer up welfare kids, it's ramen for dinner again but at least Dead Cat is free!

A COMPENDIUM OF GAMES

as played by Betsi & Katie:

Dead Cat: one person (the "dead cat") crouches on the floor. The other walks up to the dead cat, announces "There's a dead cat. I think I'll step on it," and steps on the back of the dead cat just as the dead cat springs up from the ground, sending the other person flying. Repeat as desired.

Beautiful Cat: one person (nearly always Katie, on pain of whining to mom) prances in a circle. The other pretends to be several of the many admiring, but hopelessly flawed, cats watching and attempting to woo the beautiful cat. I'm pretty sure one of those cats was named "Fart Cat."

I Don't Wanna Go To The Doctor: one person lies on the floor and shrieks "I don't wanna go to the doctor" as the other person drags them around by their socks until their socks come off. Repeat until mom demands to know why your socks are now four feet long.

IIIIIIIIII'm Siiiiiiiiiiiiick: remove all cushions from all furniture in the living room. One person sits on the denuded couch and groans "IIIIIIIIII'm siiiiiiiiiiiiick" while the other screams "here's your medicine" and neatly stacks the cushions on the lap of the sitter. After all cushions are stacked, sitter leaps to her feet.

Marbles: form small circle, aimlessly toss marbles in and out of circle until Katie's ADD kicks in and you can declare yourself the winner on grounds of forfeit. Repeat until desired sense of superiority is achieved.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: independently produced and directed theatrical performance. In addition to costuming, stage directing and scripting, I was also the king, evil queen, huntsman, seven dwarves, prince, and a variety of woodland creatures. Katie was Snow White.

Rapunzel: for role distribution, see "Snow White."

Horsey: one person is the horse, the other rides. Included a variety of horses, among them:

-Sky High: horse stands on hands and feet instead of hands and knees. This feat is easily accomplished as a small child, but may require a semester of yoga to master the technique in adulthood. Comically difficult to mount, due to height.
-Ka Ching: coin operated horse. Real coins not used; onomatopoeic "ka ching!" considered acceptable substitute.
-Sudden Stop Horse: horse suddenly stops, rider pretends to not notice and continues to walk bowlegged for a few paces before looking back in feigned surprise.
-Killer: bucks off rider and stabs them to death with a knife.

The Little Mermaid: sit on a large rock and sing.

Eeeennnnerrrrgggyyyy...: played after grocery shopping, if mom let us get single serving bottles of Sunny Delight. Both players pretend to be winged flying unicorns, creating an unnecessarily dramatic plot until such time as our winged flying unicorn energy ran out, at which point we had to croak "eeennerrrgggyyyy" and crawl desperately over to the bottles, our energy source. Katie frequently pretended to die a very dramatic death. I was required to pretend I was sad about that.

Dumbo: the classic Icarian game of pretending to fly perched on another person's raised feet. Best played with dad. Not as effective with your small, weak little sister.


Games Betsi Played Alone:

Marbles: name all the marbles after characters from Watership Down. Obsessively remember exactly which marble is which, creating complex dramas. Get upset when you realize Hyzenthlay rolled away under the dresser and you've mixed up Thethuthinnang with Strawberry. Again.

Barbies: name all the Barbies and give them complete personality profiles. Obsessively remember which doll is which, creating complex dramas. Gymnast Barbie is not to be trusted. If you don't like the way the story is going, wave your hand and say "erase erase erase" and start over.

Eating Breakfast: you are the wrathful, mighty god on the mountain and the cheerios are your shrieking rabble turned sacrifice, nom nom nom. All cower before your merciless hunger for their delicious, slightly soggy flesh. Pretend to accept pleas for mercy for the children of two parent cheerios, then consume the entire family at once as punishment for having the audacity to think they could sway you from your purpose. Years later, question if it is normal for a five year old to approach a bowl of cereal like this.

Games Katie Played Alone:

Just kidding. Katie didn't play alone.