I had my hands in the river, my feet back up on the banks

Most people at work wear their nametags on lanyards around their necks, but I "lost" my lanyard and "had no choice" but to wear mine on a zippy little thing at my hip. Like you know how in movies, when people are marching through top secret building with security clearance doors and they have their IDs on little spring-loaded wires and they pull 'em out and swipe 'em and the door opens? One of those.

So today, as I was walking down a crowded aisle, I brushed too close to a rack of clothes and my nametag caught, waited until I got about a foot away, and then released and slapped me in the butt as the cord retracted. I didn't know that, though. All I knew was something smacked my butt and I spun around to see what it was and saw only four old ladies.

And I mean, I eventually figured out it was the nametag, but for a horrible few seconds, I could only stand there and gape and wonder which of those old ladies had just patted my bottom, and why, and how I so did not get paid enough for this.