We got styrofoam boxes for the ozone layer

Everything was in order--cream cheese thawing by the sink, mixer at the ready, hastily scribbled-down recipe propped up against the cookie jar, standard array of measuring cups and gadgetry close to hand. Only two elements were missing, the main attraction of tonight's three ring circus of fear, and those were quickly brought forth from the cupboard and fridge. Preparations were complete. Now it was time for action, the moment of truth. With steady hand and focused mind I plugged in the blender, gazing sternly at its white plastic buttons, and as I dropped fistfuls of orange into its glassy interior I said to it, "Blender. The pumpkin has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to beat the hell out of this pumpkin?"

Answer: no, not really. My blender is apparently not a bad enough dude to mangle up a pumpkin without chopping it into tiny pieces first and then adding water. So basically on the scale of bad dudes, my blender is Aquaman.

I guess it's probably not fair to my blender for me to expect it to perform like a food processor, but since I don't have a food processor, it's going to have to do. If my cheesecake turns out funky because of this, I'm going to be very cross with the blender anyway. I'm unreasonable like that.