And now my money says they won't know about the

I woke up at four this morning with the realization that I would not be going to work today.

That's not entirely true. My first thought, for some reason, was that my arms and legs had turned to dozens of cold gray squid tentacles. But right after that I decided work was out of the question. For one thing, it's hard to operate a register properly with tentacle arms. Mostly, though, my decision was based on the fact that I felt like hell, and that everything I had ever eaten in my lifetime was apparently rushing about looking for a fast escape. But you really can't climb down out of a loft bed when you have tentacle legs, so I just laid there for a few sleepless hours and hoped for the best.

I started feeling a little off last Sunday, after the concert, and at the time I joked that I must've caught Colin Meloy's flu. Now I'm starting to wonder if maybe there isn't some truth to that after all. Of course, I could've caught this anywhere; it's not like I don't encounter hundreds of people every day. But I rather prefer to think that I caught it directly from the man himself. This isn't just any old bug, oh no, this is high quality celebrity flu!

I'm not sure where I caught the tentacles, though. They seemed to have disappeared for the time being.